Memorial

Funerals and memorials seem to be more common than weddings these days. I flew back to Prince George to be with my family, specifically my step family to say good bye to Dave my oldest step-brother. Dave had spent the last 18months of his life living with a terminal illness. At first there was hope and optimism but eventually it became apparent that Dave's condition wasn't going to improve, there would be no miracles here. Well perhaps that's not entirely true. I realized at his memorial that there was an ordinary miracle present. Ordinary in the sense that most of us see it or experience it at some point in our lives and nary give it a nod of recognition.  There are times in our life though where we have clearer vision. Then the importance and the magic is felt and we hope we will never forget it. The gift of death, as much as it begrudges me to say so, is one of those times.

You see at Dave's memorial, the miracle was apparent when you walked into the large banquet room for his memorial. No... before that. When you walked through the parking lot and wondered if there was a vintage car show going on. Why else would there be so many beautifully restored cars lined up like sentinels. Visual examples of someone's passion most likely the driver, someone who spent countless hours restoring junk cars to their former glory. Model T Fords with matt black paint, roadsters with the engine open for all to see. Flames on the sides of big-daddy style cars. I was struck to see them all there. I knew Dave was a car guy, that's how I would have described him. I knew that he knew alot of people from his involvement in car clubs and the online car community. But I didn't expect what I saw in the banquet room, 700 people paying tribute to a man they called friend. And after those 700, more came, standing at the back of the room. And who were they? Through my eyes they were typical PG guys; jeans, ball caps, mullets, mustaches, beards, jackets with emblems, t-shirts, biker boots and runners. They were there for Dave.

How could one average PG guy touch so many people? This is the magic part. The energy of kindness and generosity that was Dave. In his life, from what what the men who spoke said, moved a person who helped without concern for repayment. To whom the word friend meant a life long commitment. A guy who called it as he saw it, politically incorrect or not, mostly the latter. A man who passions ran deep for working on cars and helping other people who did the same, a devoted husband and a man who loved his father. Whether in person or digitally through online forums Dave forged life long relationships with others.

I didn't travel there to say goodbye to Dave really. I think I had said goodbye to him long before.  I had known Dave was terminally ill and followed his journey through my conversations with Mom and Ray. With time, all the tests were done and the doctors provided a diagnosis that no one wanted to hear. 

And at that moment Dave and his family and friends were given a gift; time to say goodbye. The opportunity to look at someone honestly and say "I love you" Hold hands and just be with that person.

I went back to Prince George to hold hands with Ray. Of course I felt sad for all of Ray's kids, I love them and I know how shitty it is to lose a sibling. Not fair. I wanted to be there to show them that I support them. Both mom and Ray said I didn't  have to come. it was expensive, I was busy - what ever. After mom's spiel I said "mom, I'm coming" and her response was "Oh good." I knew my presence was needed by both of them. Ray was saying goodbye to his oldest son and I wanted to be there. 

Our family is intertwined in the most interesting of ways. My brother Cyril was best friends with Ray's son Tim. On remembrance day at the Legion in Prince George 25yrs ago, Mom and Ray met through their kids. Mom had been widowed for 6yrs and Ray divorced for 7. It was love at first sight, a whirlwind courtship and 7 months later I had a stepfamily. Ray is 14yrs older than mom so his kids were older. Adults actually, married with families. Over the course of time we mixed and mingled at parties, get togethers, what have you and we became an extended family. A large, french, slightly dysfunctional family. :-)

The glue for most of this being the mutual care and affection we have for each others parents. I think we all struck gold. From what I could gather Ray's kids had a troubled relationship with their mom but it was evident that they loved their father in a manner akin to hero worship. And I get that, I think he's man worth loving that much. And so is my mom they all found out. Hearts shared at the kitchen table with a woman who knows how to listen and care. Mom's brand of compassion and no-nonsense wisdom salved wounds and showed a different model of what a mother could be. One who loves you and never judges, no agendas and no expectations. I saw they loved my mom as much as I loved their dad. Ray showed up in my life when I was 16. I wasn't looking for a father figure I was just happy that my mom had found love. But Ray always offered me kindness, love and unconditional support. 25yrs later as he's pushing 91 Ray's commitment to me has never wavered, not once. I feel on some level we all had slightly broken pieces and each parent was able to mend that in their own way. There was more than enough love to go around.

So how does this tie back to Dave you may be wondering. The reasons I adore Ray are the same reasons Dave idolized his father and strove to emulate him. Ray is a man of generosity and character. Dave watched his father, learned and demonstrated those same traits. Quick with a joke and a helping hand.

Nothing and I mean nothing cuts through the bullshit like death. We become real, we become honest. We are given a chance to really express what is in our hearts and we can look in each others' eyes. It doesn't matter if all there is is tears. Its about showing up to the party with an honest heart. During these times we remember that life is more than our jobs, our vacations and our dwindling RRSP's. I think its about the inner remembering that we are here to love, be loved and share love.  Dave's health declined and during that time people from all over came to say goodbye to him. And those that couldn't visit sent emails. Emails from all over the world from people he had helped. I think that was when the magnitude of what was going on became more apparent. A steady stream of well wishers to the point that what Dave really needed was less visitors and more rest. I think he knew he could rest later.

Eventually due to his illness, Dave couldn't work on his cars. He had been restoring a vehicle and it was sitting idle in his garage. But not for long. There was no organized plan but friends would come over to see Dave and they would hang out in Dave's most favorite place, his garage. And guys started to work on the car. Every weekend someone, many people were doing what needed to be done. Many hands make light work. Dave got to see his panel wagon restored completed as homage to his passion and the care his friends had for him. Dave's brother-in-law came into town so he could drive Dave in the car to a local "show and shine". It won. I saw a photo of Dave accepting the award. I was shocked; thin, bones, sallow skin, a shadow of the man I knew. How comfortable for me never to see Dave sick. Here he was, not long before he died. The good side of someone who is given time it that they can say goodbye. The shadow side is that those that love them have to watch them lose weight or gain weight, lose hair or gain implements such as oxygen tanks and wheelchairs. And of course that person is present for their own decline. For friends and family it is a discipline required to continue to see that person as the vibrant, strong individual they once were. While for those of us who have lost friends and family suddenly, we can keep a fresher memory of who they were. When I saw Colin in ICU he looked like Colin; strong and big, barely contained in the hospital bed. I held a warm strong hand not a frail one.

Dave had a big concern that he would die in a hospital being taken care of. This was his comment "I don't want someone else wiping my ass" He was probably days away from being placed in a hospice. He took the energy he had left and died at home in his bed. 

I felt a humility seeing all the people there to say goodbye to Dave. I was reminded of the things I think about alot and I referenced in my last blog, living life with honesty and making the right choices big and small. Dave worked hard, he played hard, he loved cars, he loved speed, he told inappropriate jokes, he loved people, he didn't give a fuck what people thought of him, he loved to hunt, he loved to fish, he loved to cook, he loved to party, he was fiercely devoted to his family, he loved his wife and kids.

Dave loved and was loved. Everyone who called him friend got to experience, generosity and kindness in action with a bad joke thrown in there. That's the magic we so easily miss, the magic of caring that changes lives.

 Badda-bing badda-boom

Ya gotta post this...

Following the advice of my friend, quasi editor, confidante and twisted sister Marie, She said; "ya gotta post this.."

Ok I will post. These musings are a wee bit different as they have to do with an area of my life that I don't focus on with this blog, my Shamanic practice. A friend of mine was wanting some insight with getting parts of his life on track. I can't offer too much help but I did mention the power of "intending". Intention has recently been made popular by the book and video franchise called "The Secret". Shamanism along with most mystical traditions have incorporated the principles of manifestation and intending since the time before time. The terminology may be different but to me that's more semantics as it would appear that many spirituals laws are immutable and the only difference is how one chooses to describe their workings.

I'm not a big fan of "The Secret" take on the whole process. When I watched the movie, the concepts felt like a form of "Intending for Dummies". Information abounds within literature, websites, gurus, intuitive counsellors, angels, channels, mediums, infomercials, mystics, healers and the never-fail magic 8 ball about how to get what you want out of life. No doubt that nuggets of truth reside in all these modalities. But I do have some skepticism about the newer-age idealism that if we all think happy-wonderful-thoughts THEN... the world will be a happy-wonderful-place. Really? REALLY? Soooooo then from the dawn of man to today with fighting, wars, strife, man's-inhumanity-to-man etc etc that all occurred because.... our thoughts were wrong? Seriously? Me thinks there may be more to it than meets the eye, like oh... Karma for instance. When Karma opens up a big can of whoop-ass all over you I'm not sure if clicking your heels and saying "There's no place like home" is going to help. I've been taught that the principle of karma suggests it's an "opportunity" to learn and develop as a human. Ok, but that doesn't mean it feels good. I don't think the Buddhists would have devoted so much time to the concept of suffering if wasn't in place for reasons I don't pretend to understand.

So with regards to "the secret", I'm not buying that T-shirt and I'm not able to pick up what's being put down. If it were that fucking easy we'd all be singing Koombai-ya right now and have managed to have psychic communication with the animals so they could teach us their version of Koombai-ya too. Personally I have a suspicion that their version would sing about how great it will be when the humans die out because they can't live in a world without petroleum products.

Jesus this is the longest intro EVER... :-)

I'm not a teacher, I'm not an intuitive counsellor, my secret dream is not to have a healing centre in the woods and mend little birds' wings in my spare time when I'm not balancing my chakras. I like GOING to those centres, eating all that hmmm good organic food and chillaxing. I like those centres because it feels like restorative therapy and it's a break from the Shamanic approach. Dig your own grave Dude, now GET in there and examine your life to see who you are and once you've done that, sit outside in your medicine circle for a while, stop the spin you've been telling yourself, cry for the vision of who you came here to be; let nature teach you. See the difference? Shamanism, at least the style I follow is not for the faint of heart. It's dirty, gritty and for me, well it's real. It reflects what I sense to be true. Life isn't easy, its not all cupcakes and candy floss and nor should it be. If we're here to learn while walking on this earth as a spirit in a human body, if that is true, and most mystical traditions says it is, then I expect there will be some lumps and bumps along the way. I've learn as much through my "downs" as my "ups". I do like the "ups" way my more, I ain't gonna lie, but you get the point.

I'm a shamanic practitioner. I wake up in the morning and try in my very flawed way to get through the day without doing harm to others. And even that's a joke as I eat meat, gobble up resources with the best of them and swear like a truck driver on a good day. Let's just say that cultivating peace in my heart is a moving target. But I try, I really try and I've taken vows that I will endeavour to add positive energy to the world the best I can. Whether it feels good to do so or not, when I don't feel like it, when there are no high fives, when it's a glorious experience, when love is present or not. I'll keep at it until my last breath leaves me and I get to go home. That's about it.

My thoughts on intending and manifestation are my own based on what I've learned through teachings, what I've read and what I know to be true for myself. They don't represent any organization and I speak only for myself. Now if you would kindly hit the accept button that indicates you understand the terms and conditions of this blog we can proceed.

Here are my thoughts...

Some background on the basics of Shamanic principle of intending and manifestation.

The use of magic is not really so magical... it is the redirecting of energy from where it currently resides to where you want it to go. That's it, that's all. But redirecting energy takes some skills most of us didn't learn.

What is needed are desire, focus, commitment, discipline and follow-through.

Even the order of what I wrote is important. Most people have desire for many things and that desire can change with the wind. I want THIS... now I really want THIS oooh look at that I want THAT. Desire is important but its not helpful to keep shifting your focus, it scatters energy. This is the crucial difference between "wishing" for something and "intending". People who wish for things don't want to do work, they are like children. To really intend one must stay focused. Most people cannot focus on their desire for longer than a month, they will even forgot what they thought they wanted because now they want something new. So they give up, they decide it doesn't work for them. But they haven't really committed, they haven't used discipline when things get difficult and they haven't followed through with concrete action. Not unlike training for climbing, nothing happens until we work at it.


Something does need to be said here, it's important.

Energy is neutral, it doesn't know good nor bad. But a little knowledge is dangerous too.

Lets say you have a very fast car, amazing handling and it goes faster than most cars out there because it has such a high performance engine. If you drive at the posted speed limit things are fine. However you better know how to drive that thing if you are blasting 200km down a busy street simply because you can and you enjoy the excitement and the power. It won't matter how good of a driver you are at high speeds if you don't have other skills too. If someone pulls out in front of you and you don't know how to drive out of the way and NOT hit someone else in the process, then someone gets hurt. You didn't mean to do harm but life has turned into a car wreck because of disregard for others. We call this unconscious incompetence.

With magic comes responsibility to act in accordance with the ethic of doing no harm. No one can force you to do this, and there are plenty of people out there who do whatever they want and they don't care. We call them dark-sorcerers. I call them assholes actually. They take candy from babies and laugh while they do it because they think people are stupid and deserve to be mistreated. Also it is not a good idea to intend things you know in your heart could cause harm to others but you convince yourself otherwise. For example, let's say a man really desires another's wife or girlfriend and has convinced himself it is ok, she would be much happier with him anyhow. Or perhaps he thinks he will only borrow her and give her back, what's the harm in that? :-) With some magic, seduction and perhaps a bottle of wine :-) who knows what could happen. Could he get what he wants? There is a good chance that magic could make this process much easier. What if the woman he desires has been seduced enough to be in full agreement, now they are consenting adults. But others are being harmed, specifically the husband or boyfriend of that woman and I doubt that guy would agree this is a good idea. This is a crude example of course. But being aware of consequences is very important. As shamanic practitioners we take vows against hurting others in this manner. We make agreements about how we will choose to live in the world and the type of actions we will take or not take. We have taken a vow to make the world a better place for everyone, not just ourselves.

Having said that there is so much abundance in the world and PLENTY of fun to be had honestly and ethically - hell yes! :-)