Climbing in Canada

I am writing in reverse, about my present experience before I begin to touch on my memories of India.

I spent the day with my friend Tom, in one of my favorite places - The Ghost; the front range of the Canadian Rockies. After India and the frenetic energy it holds it was nice to visit familiar friends from all the worlds; human, plant, mineral and animal. The energy of this area always fills me with peace and today was no exception.

The day in the Ghost held a vivid blue sky. We drove in as far as we could to our destination which was Marian Falls. We got surprisingly far along the crazy snow rutted trails, Tom driving like a 4x4 Pro. The walk in had Tom and I touching on a range of topics we love to explore. Spirituality, human potential, the future of the world and often our personal dreams for the future as well.

We found the climb in wet and sun baked conditions. It felt like a spring day! Tom put in an exploratory screw, hit the ice here and there with his axe and decided it was climbable so game on! He did a great lead, he's been climbing alot the past couple years and he's solid on ice. This was my first bigger outing on ice since returning from India. I had done some leading exercises my first time out the weekend before at a small climbing crag and it felt surprising good. Now I was wondering about my overall strength to hop on a Gr 5 pitch. I am climbing leashless now and that also adds more spice to the seconding to not drop a tool. No such luck I DID drop my tool at the top of the climb while I was getting ready to rappel down, what a dolt! Luckily it was fine in the snow. Tom said he was kind of relieved that I didn't completely flash the day and it really wouldn't be an outing with him if one of us didn't do something dumb like slip on our ass during the approach, forget something, get lost, who knows!

While climbing I felt it was going well, I was getting tired no doubt about it and I had to take out a screw in a pouring shower! No kidding, there was water running down my face into my mouth, it was hard to see properly since I had to turn my head to not drown and yet still take out gear on steep ice. I was getting drenched as I was reaching around a curtain to take out the screw. Cold wet and tired; it was a good start! In a twisted way I enjoyed the suffering, all my senses were wide awake and I knew that any discomfort was going to be short-lived.

When I got to the top Tom said I climbed really well, really fast, he was impressed! I was happy to hear his glowing report since I need all the confidence I can get. I can't assess my own strength and abilities yet so I appreciated the feedback.

I can say that I think I will be a better climber after my trip to India. I feel more grounded and centered and although I haven't really exercised for almost 3 months I feel strong as well. It is a good feeling to have, my body seems to be loving the physical exercise and I am starting to feel the inspiration for more physical challenges.

On the drive back out Tom's dear truck Mr Monty got high centered and we were stuck, stuck, stuck. He had been performing so admirably up till now it was impossible to get angry with him, I think Mr Monty had done his best but the conditions changed in the afternoon and the soft snow was harder to navigate. Much digging ensued, much much digging - digging with shovels, digging with our ice axes, digging with our feet, digging with a stick; can you dig it? Fuck me. I think we were at it pretty hard for almost 2 hours. Finally with much... do I need to say it again? With much DIGGING we extricated Monty and held our breath for the other tough areas where he could get stuck again! But Monty pulled through due to Tom's extrordinary driving skills.

On an emotional level Ice climbing is still hard for me, I wondered if I would miss Colin when I went climbing. Yes I do. I miss him when I am getting my gear ready, I miss him on the drive out, I fucking miss him every step of the way. I wonder if a day will come when he is not with me in the mountains. No, I need to rephrase that, I love that he's with me in the mountains, he is looking out for me I know. I hope that a day will come when the sadness won't be there, the ache of wanting him to be here in the physical. But the heart has its own timeline for grief and all I can do it be patient and kind to myself.

I was telling Tom about the friends I made at the Ashram in Rishikesh. It felt good to talk about them and feel the energy of my experiences. Fondness crept up on me and I began to miss being there. Now I have another place that is finding its own space in my affections. I began to appreciate why people go back again and again, to be with their community of the spirit.

Fellow spiritual travellers are to be appreciated, those who I can look into their eyes and know that they can see me for who I am without a history, without a story. We leave our temporal worlds behind to seek the divinity within. India is a good place to start. Swami Veda gave a talk and I recall vividly what he said "Is not the experience of the infinite, even only for a brief moment, worth some effort?" Yes it is, everything in my heart tells me that touching God however briefly is worth everything, it is waking up to the true awareness of why I am incarnated in this lifetime. Coming back has given me a different kind of culture shock, I feel altered as a person, trying to find my place when I come home only to be reminded that I have no home in some sense. My house is for sale and I will be moving to Canmore for a couple months and then on to Nelson. There is no solidity in my life - only movement and change.

What is true for me now is that India was not really a vacation as much as an exploration. It was more of a saguay from one way of life to another. Coming home is not a return to the familiar, rather it is a continuation of moving into the unknown. Like India there will be days when I want off the rollercoaster ride I volunteered for. Like on my journey there are other times when I feel the sacredness of life and I have such gratitude for everyone who touches me in some manner and I think to myself "I am so damn lucky to be exactly where I am - wow it is magic at work"

Now I walk into my future.